Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize