she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
