yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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