Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
