Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
