There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
