You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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