Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
