i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
