shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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