omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
