porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
