Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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