he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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