giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
