every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
