Sry I called you an 8
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
