I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Panties = found
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
