Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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