i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
