nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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