im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I just shit out all my problems.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
