4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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