Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
