You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
