my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
