Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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