bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize