if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
