I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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