currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
