bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
