How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
