dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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