Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
