Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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