I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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