Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
