I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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