last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
