I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
