I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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