Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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