I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
