just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
