I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
