she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
