we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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