my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
