Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
