ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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