areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
