I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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