i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
