There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
