What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
