So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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