youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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