I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
