All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
