"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
