You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
