i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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