An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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