I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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