just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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