He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
