Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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