we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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