Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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