so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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