she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
