grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
