im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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