what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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