A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
