Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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