her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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