I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
