WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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