In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
